12.20.2006

Wow.

1. Good thing #1: So yesterday Sam and I went to Santaland. Please visit Sam's blog. It will tell you all the wonder and joy.

2. Good thing #2: At the Episcopal Church Center's Dessert Bake-Off yesterday, my Mandarin Orange Cake won an honorable mention! Woo-hoo! Especially since it wasn't actually a good cake. Wait until next year. Cardamom bread. YEAH.

3. Good thing #3: Tomorrow I come back to Seattle. I see the loveliest people. Tonight I am cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and doing laundry and packing and singing out loud to songs.

12.15.2006

It is finished.

All the work I can do is done.

I handed in all my papers. I took my last final exam today.


I thought I would feel like dancing up and down. Mostly I feel like sipping cocoa and watching and movie in my bed and maybe, just maybe, crying.


Much love. I made it. I love you.

12.13.2006

Really good news.

I got my Hebrew final back! I got a 100+5! I got my evaluation! I got a Credit with Distinction! (Which is the only way, in the Union Credit/Marginal Credit/Fail system, that one can earn honors). She says she's excited to have me back next semester! Yay!



Also, I passed my Pass/Fail Old Testament contents course. We had the final yesterday, and it was H.A.R.D. There was much murmuring among the Israelites. But I did well on it, according to my prof.



Also, you should all read this. It's about turtles, God's Best Animals: Turtles in the Time of Love and Turtle Cholera. They don't age! They love ice cream! They can be reallllly little or reallllly big. God is great.

12.04.2006

This is for Sarah.

My favorite paragraph so far this semester:

From Gender and Difference in Ancient Israel, from the essay Woman and the Discourse of Patriarchal Wisdom: A Study of Proverbs 1-9 by Dr Carol Newsom:

“Where [the movie Fatal Attraction] skillfully attempts to naturalize its discourse, to conceal its speaking subject, and mask its interpellation of the viewer, Proverbs 1-9 emphasizes precisely those features. Certainly Proverbs 1-9 also makes its own claims to universality and transcendent authority, but its explicit self-consciousness about the central role of discourses in competition provides an internal basis for questioning its own claims. Having learned from the father how to resist interpellation by hearing the internal contradictions in discourse, one is prepared to resist the patriarchal interpellation of the father as well. For the reader who does not take up the subject position offered by the text, Proverbs 1-9 ceases to be a simple text of initiation and becomes a text about the problematic nature of discourse itself. Not only the dazzling (and defensive) rhetoric of the father but also the pregnant silence of the son and the dissidence that pseaks from the margin in the person of the strange women become matters of significance. Israel’s wisdom tradition never examined its patriarchal assumptions. But its commitment to the centrality of discourse as such and its fascination with the dissident voice in Job and Qoholet made it the locus within Israel for radical challenges to the complacency of the dominant symbolic order.” (159)




Precisely. Best thing ever. I am feeling slightly better today. I am doing good work. I ate proper food. It will all get done. I am not lost. As the secretary to the office of the PB asked me when I was communicating my stress, "WHO'S IN CHARGE?" And I said, of course, "God." I know.


(Not that I believe in an interventionist God like that. I believe in an always accessible, always attractive/attracting, always calling, always urging, always loving, always challenging, always comforting Creator/Redeemer/Sustainer. Who is, in all those accessibilities, in charge, if we ally our hands and hearts with Their Good News.)

12.03.2006

Finals.

Please, please pray for me as I cry and eat Nutella and promise myself finals will be over soon.

I am writing two papers right now. Both are due Thursday. The same day as my Hebrew final. And my Mannheim paper. One paper is 10 pages long, and is (involuntarily) titled: "What is Christianity?" Um. A modest topic, to be sure. And the other, which I like better and wish I had more time for is: "The Inside of her Mouth: Proverbs 1-9, Competitive Discourse, and Gender." If you're in the Judeo-Christian tradition, you should go back and reread Proverbs 1-9. Pretty fascinating. "The strange woman" vs. the female personification of Wisdom. So, we're happy, as good feminists, about Wisdom being figured female, right? Except. Except the text is an instructional one, father to son, about only coloring within the lines, socially and politically and religiously. And for a female reader, what's to be done? Judith Fetterly writes, "What is essentially a simple act of identification when the reader of the story is male becomes a tangle of contradictions when the reader is female. In such fictions the female reader is co-opted into participation in an experience from which she is explicitly excluded; she is asked to identify with a selfhood that defines itself in opposition to her; she is required to identify against herself." Yeah. How do we do something redemptive with that?




Prayers. Comments. Easing of the deep homesickness. Please?

Also, if you have anything to offer on the topic of "What is Christianity?", please feel free to chime in. You can even write and say "Christianity is a bunch of wacko losers who placate themselves by believing in some kind of stup-o heaven." That's helpful feedback for me. You can write and say, "I would be dead without Christianity." You can say anything. But say something. Help my paper!


I would not be able to do this without your prayers and love. Thank you.

11.28.2006

Day of celebrities.

And then, Law and Order SVU was filming on campus all day today and I went to Pilates tonight and Ice-T was hanging out and then I talked to him about Pilates. Um.

Katherine. Jefferts. Schori.

(Immediately after group meeting with KJS):

I
AM
TOTALLY
a) ENAMOURED
b) DAZZLED
c) IMPRESSED
d) ALL OF THE ABOVE
WITH
THE
NEW
PRESIDING
BISHOP.



More on this later. She knows my name! AHHHHHHHH! I Love Her.

She is clear and keen and kind and precise and GROUNDED and comfortable and God-centered and everything good.

YES!

11.24.2006

Thanks-Givings.

Whew. I am sitting in a pretty room in pretty Philly where the sky is pretty pretty blue outside. Eventually I will make it outside to walk in it, loud music all up in my ears.

I am at Heath's, where we had very good vegetarian Thanksgiving last night with lots of lovely Philly people, and then watched Rize. It was very nice.

Except that I'm really homesick.

Don't get me wrong. I am in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. I am supposed to be in seminary, doing what I'm doing. I am supposed to be following this call and meeting the people I'm meeting. It's just...sometimes I miss the hills in Seattle, the way you can walk west and smell the water. I miss food that costs reasonable amounts of money and I miss kitties. I miss my most perfect apartment, and I miss my dearest little people. I miss my co-op and I miss Ecology/Spirituality. I miss grown-up people too (and you know who you are). I miss thrift stores that don't suck, and I miss Velella Velella. I miss being able to get where I need to go in 15 minutes or less. I miss being able to walk places and I miss affordable beer. I miss Seattle Yoga Arts. Yes.





Happy Thanksgivings, everyone. I am thankful for a great many things this year.

For example, not in order:
1. my excellent roommates
2. my nice room
3. Union
4. Fairway
5. heart-friends: Katy, Jerry, Carolina
6. work I like at ECC
7. Hebrew
8. Fr. Haight
9. occasional cooking
10. Olive Tree coffee (not Seattle-standards, but nice to go there)
11. learning how to do major life transistions in a grown-up and not (entirely) panicky way
12. being on the same coast as Heath
13. running in Riverside Park
14. Trader Joe's NYC
15. cobbling together a serious prayer life again
16. long city walks
17. finding Christian allies
18. living in a castle
19. the love and support I've gotten on this big big journey
20. my parents, always

11.15.2006

A beautiful thing.

I received a check from the Seminarian Scholarship Fund of the Diocese of Olympia. I didn't even know there was a Seminarian Scholarship Fund. They state that they understand that as seminarians, we are putting ourselves at real financial risk in order to pursue the calls placed upon our spirits. Isn't that beautiful? Especially after that scary letter last year that informed us of the psychological exam, the physicals, and the cost of BACOM. Especially after hearing a well-loved middle-aged priest friend of mine from my diocese tell me that he was still working on paying off his school debt.

The letter states that I "can help by telling the story of what these gifts from the diocese mean to [me] and by raising the level of awareness in [my] sponsoring congregation and beyond to encourage ongoing contributions to the fund." So here I am: hello, St. Mark's and diocesan friends. This money matters. This money is real. Please give generously. Those of us in seminary are looking at around $20,000-$40,000/year in loans. It's a three-year degree. It's serious. I was fortunate enough to be granted a Union Scholarship, so that eases my burden some, but it is still a major, major concern.


Can I tell you how much this means?

It means not having to panic about all the $65 textbooks. It means having a cushion of food money. It means not having to obsessively tally the cost of transportation in this crazy city. I means mental rest, and ease. It means knowing that my communities care about me and about us, that we are loved and supported in tangible ways. It means a lot.



So thank you. Thank you to all of you who give to this fund, and to all those who support seminarians in various ways. It is a blessing, and we do feel it.


Love.

11.12.2006

Bonus for the E/S Group.

I wanted to let my Ecology/Spirituality beloveds know that at Episcopal Church Center, the appliances are EnergyStar certified, and the lights are automatic in public spaces: they go out when no one is there and go on when someone walks in. They also have can recycling, which is not typical in NYC businesses. It must be specially requested, and our national offices do ask for it. Isn't that excellent?


Also, thank you all for your prayers for my friend Ingrid. She has been declared to have a very low chance on having cancer, but is still receiving some radiation therapy to make sure the tumor removed from her arm didn't leave behind some nasty cancerous cells.

11.09.2006

Glee!

OK, can I just say BEST DAY ON CNN.COM EVER?


Can I get an amen?


Yes.



I am in Orlando, with the NCCC USA, as a delegate with the Episcopal Church. Two years ago, I was a steward, and last year I was a senior steward. This year I vote! Wahoo! I am excited about this work and about the opportunity to network with other religious young adults and with potential mentors and with my Anglican allies and friends. We passed resolutions and policies today on raising the minimum wage, reforming Wal-Mart, and human biotechnology. It was beautiful.


My Ecology Spirituality Group will be happy to learn that the NCCC (after a fuss made two years ago) is now only considering hotels with ecologically-sensitive programs for the General Assembly. Excellent. Honestly, it never occurred to me how many people are not on board with even basic ecological agendas until I moved away from Seattle. I know we have struggles on the West Coast, but we really do have the benefit of widespread understanding that the planet is worth protecting, enjoying and loving.




I am years behind in my reading, since my mom was just here and I entertained her, but I am trying not to think about it too much. I will catch up over Thanksgiving.


Jonie P., you will be happy to know that I am slowly but surely getting better at Philsophy. Thank you so much for your kind e-mail. I received very good grades on both my Augustine and Aquinas papers. Now I'm up against Kant. And then Schleiermacher. Jiminy crickets. Kant is a freaking battleground.




I watched the installation of Katharine Jefferts Schori (or, as we call her at Episcopal Church Center, "The PB") live on the webstream on Saturday morning and cried my eyes out. It was SO beautiful: her vestments were purple and blue and green, and her miter bore the image of a sunrise. God is doing something new in her, in the church, and in us. God is doing Some-Thing-New, and It Is Good.


It's 2:00 a.m. here and meeting begin again at 9:00, so I should get to bed. I realized that I have neglected this shamefully and wanted to share the joy of the elections. May we continue in the prophetic ministry God has given us. Amen!

10.22.2006

Home again, home again, jiggity jig.

Whew. I have midterms next week. How did that happen? We are mid-term. Fast.


Here's where I seem to be standing:
1. Acing Hebrew. Lots of work, but it's working.
2. Doing well in Christianity and the City. Fun class, relaxed, lots of time for contemplative thinking.
3. Hebrew Bible and contents: Eh. I'm doing well, but I don't care about it much. I've done most of this work before, and I miss my old professor.
4. Philosophy for Theologians: killing me. Really. Killing me. I am apparently the world's worst philosopher. I'm not stupid, but I could not really care less about some abstract postulation about the stupid hidden Forms in some stupid person's head. Especially while that person has slaves. Especially when that theory is going to turn into a big mind/body dualism within Christianity. I care about how things play out, how people live them. I don't do this big mental abstract supposedly-not-related-to-anything crap very well. (Sorry, MLG.) So I am seeking extra help from my prof (the aforementioned radical Jesuit), and struggling. I like school, I am good at school, and nothing has ever been so hard for me as this. It's pratty intense.




In other news, I have a spiritual director. His name is Fr. Bill Wizeman, and he is a young Jesuit. He works at Corpus Christi (which, after I mistakenly called it "Corpus Crispy" once, now cannot stop laughing at the thought of: toasty Body of Christ, anyone?), the Catholic parish across the street where Thomas Merton was baptised and came to faith. We are working on prayer life, which has suffered some the past year. (Well, a lot, really - this past spring I was so mad at God I wasn't even praying grace anymore. Sue helped me come back to little bits of prayer, but I am really working on a daily, intentional practice.)


In still other news, can I tell you how much I love my job? I love my job. I love talking to chaplains on the phone. I love being at the Episcopal Church Center. I love lunchroom chat, and I love midday chapel. Plus, a week ago Friday, Frank Griswold presided! For the 20 of us!


I must go study for midterms. I might go to the Emerge service (an updated liturgy) tonight at St. Bartholomew's, a gorgeous Episcopal Church in midtown. I went last week, and left feeling fed, and might return.



I love you all! You are free to leave comments, you know. Blessings!

10.09.2006

Notes.

I began work at Episcopal Church Center today. Which would have been fabulous, but I am knocked OUT with a cold. I survived my half day with a LOT of Dayquil. I did manage to notice the following wonderful things:
1. I have a cubicle! With a scanner! And files!
2. I can go to chapel every day and not have it count as my lunch hour. Excellent.
3. The Bishop invited me to bring term papers to work, if I need to. I love chaplains. They care about you.
4. The PB's (presiding bishop's) office is just through the double doors from my office. Woo-hoo! After Katherine's installation, she's going to be RIGHT NEXT DOOR.




Finally, please keep my friend Ingrid in your prayers. She has just had a tumor removed, and is awaiting the results from the test that determines whether she has cancer.

10.06.2006

So much to catch up on.

So. I am in school, very very very officially.

I am going to try and post once a week. So much happens here. I can feel God breaking me open and pouring Godself into me and healing me and speaking.

Here's the overview:

1. I am taking, in typical Shelly Fayette overachiever fashion, one less credit that they will allow me to take (next semester, I am taking all 15 credits they will let me take. Woo-hoo!).

2. I am taking:
*Hebrew Bible (dates, context, critical-historical method, redaction, etc.)
*Hebrew Bible Contents (um, actually reading the Hebrew Bible)
Although. One note on this. At Union, it's all called "Old Testament". Isn't that ridiculous? No one worth their salt calls it "Old Testament" anymore. We actually had someone in my tutorial say, "Well, it's called the Old Testament because we don't need it anymore, right?" ARRRRRGH. So *I* call it Hebrew Bible. But Union doesn't.
*Christianities and the City (a course about urbanity and Xty, about NYC and Xty, about the city in Xn thought - it's very good).
*Philosophy for Theologians (excellent, much needed, and taught by a fabulous radical Jesuit named Roger Haight)
*ELEMENTARY BIBLICAL HEBREW!
OK. A note on this too. When we were having orientation, we were told to take one class "just for ourselves" every semester. I thought "Oh, Hebrew! I have always wanted to take Hebrew! It will be so fun, so refreshing!" Hah! It's a pile of work. A pile. Oh. My. Goodness. We have done the alphabet (the aleph-bet, literally!) and vowels and basic vocabulary. Interesting that for Biblical Hebrew, basic vocabulary includes: God, the gods, prophet, grapes, righteous, king, eternity, convenant and knowledge. If I ever go to Israel, I will not know how to ask for the bathroom. But I will be able to quote Proverbs at length.


3. My roommates are fabulous.

4. I am really growing as an Anglican. I have made friends with other Anglicans, and we recently had a "Disco Episco" chapel service ( a mass set ot disco music and using disco lyrics for various parts of the service). I am learning, through the experience of being in daily worship from a variety of traditions, that I am very attached to the Anglican hymnal and liturgy. I just love it, down to my bones, down to my toes.

5. It is so wonderful to be "out" as a religious person, to not have to translate for people all the time. It's a relief to able to talk about my personal relationship with Jesus Christ and not have people start looking at me like I just bombed the Planned Parenthood. It's so good to be able to ask people for prayer, simply and easily, and receive prayer.

6. I have been hired at the Episcopal Church Center (the national offices for the ECUSA) as the intern in the Chaplaincies office. They oversee all federal chaplains (military, prison, healthcare). I start next week. I really wanted to be connected to both the national church, to see how people integrate our values and life on a national and global scale as well as be connected to a small church. Both have happened.



I can't tell you all how happy I am. I am exhausted. Constantly. But exhilarated.


There will be more to tell next week: remind me to talk about praying in tongues, a chapel service for women who have been sexually assaulted, fellowship through running in Riverside Park, the subway, Queens and more.


Please continue to pray for me. I love you all.

9.03.2006

First Sunday at church.

The poem below does not have indents. But the original poem does. I don't know why Blogger won't let me indent. Anyone?


I went to St. Mary's Episcopal Church Manhattanville this morning. It was lovely to be in a small church with a little choir, making a joyful noise unto the Lord. I have missed the standard print-outs of the readings and the time when all visitors stand up, introduce themselves, and everyone claps. I have missed hearing people pray out loud in church for people they know who are dying, who are at war, who are ill. I have missed the service not being "perfect" but perfect in its non-impeccableness. In Seattle, going to St. Mark's or St. James sometimes felt like the church equivalent of going to Nordstrom's: sleek, beautiful, comfortable (except, perhaps, for the sermons), with everyone wearing nicely pressed designer slacks. I think the amount of money spent on the clothes on people at St. Mark's might pay for a week's operating budget at St. Mary's. And it's a relief to be out of genteel whiteness and into the parts of America the newspapers ignore.



Also, St. Mary's is likely the only Episcopal church in America with a poster of Malcolm X in the entryway. Yes! I think I'm home.

9.01.2006

One week and two days at seminary.

Seminary looks like seminary.

I've been praying late at night from a little red book called "Hearts on Fire: Praying with the Jesuits." So of course, I am remembering what it is to get goosebumps from Mr. Manley Hopkins. Here is the poem from which this blog derives its title:

The world is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil.
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man's smudge and share's man's smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.

And for all this, nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshest deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs-
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.




I LOVE it.

I also love being here.